


a symbol of mortality

by ghostinthebook



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, M/M, More In Notes, Mortality, POV Alec, Post-Finale, Thoughts about death, references to 3x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 19:06:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19470247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostinthebook/pseuds/ghostinthebook
Summary: As Alec was putting on his shirt, he noticed a scar. Seeing the scar made him think about his mortality.





	a symbol of mortality

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is rated GA, but it is kinda heavy. Alec is thinking about his mortality, and scars, and mental health. No references to self-harm, but he mentions how he wasn't living for himself, and how it's a process to get to that place. If you're pro-immortal husbands, then you can imagine that sometime after this, they find a way to do that. At the time being in this fic, though, they came to terms with the fact that, for at least the time being, Alec is mortal. Anyway, if you don't want to read that, then don't read this, have a lovely day! If you're still here, enjoy!!!

Alec was holding a shirt, about to put on, when he stopped and looked at himself.

He was at Magnus’s loft (their loft, he had to remind himself), and Magnus was still asleep. He had to leave earlier than usual today, since a lot of demons had been antsy after Edom was destroyed. There were many attacks, and as Head of the Institute, he had to get there early today.

Normally, he and Magnus would at least have a quick breakfast. But he didn’t want to wake Magnus up, so this morning he figured he would either raid the fridge, or try his luck at the Institute cafeteria. Having planned for breakfast, he just needed to finish getting ready, then he could leave.

He had grabbed one of Magnus’s shirts, and was about to put it on, when he saw it. He stopped, not frozen, but curious.

He had a scar, right in the middle of his chest. It looked like a killing shot, thin but deep. He knew exactly where it was from, but, for some reason, this was the first time he had ever seen it.

He had gotten that specific wound when Jace was possessed by the Owl, by Lilith. It was in their fight, and the Owl (Alec still refused to think of it as Jace) had taken one of Alec’s own arrows, and stabbed him. Slowly, right in the middle of his chest, where it could easily kill him.

If Magnus hadn’t shown up when he did, Alec thought, he might have died.

His mortality… it was a weird thing to think about. He and Magnus had come to terms with the fact that he was mortal; it didn’t mean that they liked it, or would be, in any way, ready when Alec inevitably died, but they knew it was a fact.

He thought about the many times, over the past few months, when he had come close to death. The incident with the Owl was one of the closest. Thankfully, things seemed to have mostly calmed down by now, so he was at a normal Shadowhunter level of the possibility of death.

Every Shadowhunter knew they could die any day. On a routine patrol, on a mission. To a demon, to a Downworlder. In the days of the Circle, to another Shadowhunter. It was always in the back of their minds, that they may die. They are mortal, and they are not invincible.

Even the immortal are not invincible, a fact that worries Alec sometimes. No one is invincible.

All Shadowhunters know this. All Shadowhunters are prepared to die.

When Alec had thought about death, before, he often didn’t think about himself. He thought about how it would affect Jace, Izzy, his parents.

Now… he still didn’t really think about himself. Him and Magnus were working on that, but mental health wasn’t an overnight thing. It would take time, and he was willing to take that time to try to make himself better. It’s a step, he thought.

He’d like to be able to stay alive, for his sake. For himself, not just for others.

It’s a step.

Shaking himself from those thoughts, he put his shirt on. There were a few other big scars covered by the shirt, most of them nonlethal. He saw them as he pulled his shirt down, over his chest and stomach.

There was the one from a careless training session with his siblings, not supervised by Hodge. They weren’t even wearing gear. He doesn’t even remember which of them accidentally got him, Jace’s sword or Izzy’s whip. All he remembers is waking up in the infirmary a little bit later. The three of them weren’t allowed to train together for two weeks.

He laughed softly, thinking of that.

There was the one from a Raum demon. There was the one from falling onto a jagged piece of metal during a fight. There was the one from a fight with a rogue faerie. Those weren’t all of them, and he was just counting the ones covered by his shirt.

His hands, they had lots of small scars, from his bow and arrows. They were an archer’s hands.

Still thinking of his weapons, he wondered when his bow and arrows, his seraph blade, would fail him. When a lethal blow wouldn’t just scar, but kill him. When he would die.

It would break Magnus’s heart, when he died.

His morbid thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Magnus himself, slowly waking up. Alec could see him, in the reflection of the mirror, reach out towards Alec’s side of the bed. Realizing he’s not there, looking up.

When Magnus saw Alec, he got up. Walked behind Alec, put his arms around him, gave him a soft kiss on the back of his neck.

“Institute?” Magnus asked.

“Yeah,” Alec answered, relaxing in Magnus’s hold. Alec decided he didn’t need to worry about death, about mortality. Not right now.

Maybe they’d talk about it later. At dinner, in a week, in a month.

All Alec knew was that he would try to live in the here and now. When he’s in Magnus’s arms, and they’re both alive, and happy.

“Love you,” Alec said, turning around to give Magnus a kiss.

“Love you too,” Magnus responded, kissing him right back.

He was happy to be alive.


End file.
